Before I begin let me say, this is NOT a suicide note. I am not depressed. Though life is troublesome and not easy, I'm completely happy. Promise.
There are just some things I really feel I need to share.
Just in general, and because of the Bible, we know life is fragile and can be taken at any time; but because I am a Christian, moreover a full time missionary, needless to say my life is "dangerous." I've been thinking a lot lately about how short life really is. I mean, honestly, even if we live to be 100, in light of eternity that's nothing.
As many of you who will read this know, I plan to go to China this Christmas. As you well know, they are a communist country and they do not allow Christianity or Bibles. If I am able to go, I will be breaking both of those laws. Whatever. :)
This is a serious situation. Many of these people haven't heard the Gospel and they NEED to. God has placed an enormous passion for the lost and hurting. I will not ignore them.
So, regardless of whether or not I get to go to China this Christmas (or later) or wherever I go: New York, Africa, India, downtown Columbus, not the point. I just wanted everyone that I care about and vice versa to know that no matter what happens to me, I will be happy. If it is God's will for me to die the death of a martyr, I will gladly accept this and rejoice. So I need you all to promise me that you won't be mad if this happens. Not at God or the people who did it. In fact, if it happens and you have the ability, I would like you to tell those people once I leave for Heaven. :) Seriously.
I love you all very much.
No matter who you are, if you're reading this, I love you. More importantly, God loves you.
Pray for me.
I need it.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
We Are Ungrateful
Though I can't truly speak for everyone, I think it is safe to say that anyone reading this, meaning they have a computer or some device that allows them to have internet access, is or has been ungrateful in life. I know I have. Today I was thinking about the truth of how ungrateful I have been myself. Some of these may apply for you, some may not. You may have others. I just need to get this all out.
I'm ungrateful for my family, many don't have one.
I'm ungrateful for my clothes, some have less than I.
I'm ungrateful for my vehicle, many don't have one.
I'm ungrateful for food, many haven't eaten in days, maybe weeks.
I'm ungrateful for clean water, many have never had any.
I'm ungrateful for showers and bathrooms, many have never had a shower or used a real bathroom.
I'm ungrateful for freedom, I've been quiet while many die for Jesus rejoicing.
I've complained about not having my own room, some families of eight share a single-room 8 by 12 shack.
I've complained about not having nice shoes, when children are forced to work like slaves to make them and many don't have a pair themselves.
I've complained about food not being warm enough, or good enough when over 20,000 children die of starvation everyday.
I've complained about the temperature inside and out, hot and cold when I have so much.
I've complained about being grounded when many children become parents because theirs died of AIDS.
I've complained about every part of my body when many don't have arms, legs, eyes, etc.
I am an ungrateful person.
God has given me everything and I worshiped it.
Eventually, I became fed up with pride and selfishness and asked to be stripped of them completely, not matter what. It meant losing A LOT of things and the battle is still going on.
Seriously, we have no right to complain.
I know I don't.
I'm ungrateful for my family, many don't have one.
I'm ungrateful for my clothes, some have less than I.
I'm ungrateful for my vehicle, many don't have one.
I'm ungrateful for food, many haven't eaten in days, maybe weeks.
I'm ungrateful for clean water, many have never had any.
I'm ungrateful for showers and bathrooms, many have never had a shower or used a real bathroom.
I'm ungrateful for freedom, I've been quiet while many die for Jesus rejoicing.
I've complained about not having my own room, some families of eight share a single-room 8 by 12 shack.
I've complained about not having nice shoes, when children are forced to work like slaves to make them and many don't have a pair themselves.
I've complained about food not being warm enough, or good enough when over 20,000 children die of starvation everyday.
I've complained about the temperature inside and out, hot and cold when I have so much.
I've complained about being grounded when many children become parents because theirs died of AIDS.
I've complained about every part of my body when many don't have arms, legs, eyes, etc.
I am an ungrateful person.
God has given me everything and I worshiped it.
Eventually, I became fed up with pride and selfishness and asked to be stripped of them completely, not matter what. It meant losing A LOT of things and the battle is still going on.
Seriously, we have no right to complain.
I know I don't.
Friday, July 2, 2010
This is Fred
I'm not sure how to begin this post. I wish I could have this conversation with everyone who decides to read it face to face instead of this way, but that's not an easy task at all.
First, thank you for taking time to listen to me ramble and supporting me. I'm not saying this is the last post, but because of my circumstance I don't know how often I will be able to post anymore though I will try.
For those of you who have known me for awhile you've seen me change very much in the last few years, especially the last year and a half of my life. God has truly opened my eyes to many things unseen and changed my heart completely. So many passions. So many desires.
I love all of you guys, very much; but I don't want to be here anymore. Every single day of my life I think about Africa. Every single day. I think about the heat, the beautful people, the starving children, the people so desperate for needs to be met physically and so open the hearing about love. I know many people say people here have needs. Yes, of course they do, but my Father in heaven is calling me elsewhere. People call me crazy all the time. I've actually been told to my face my dreams are stupid." By my family even. "You need to get established and get you a place of your own." Why would I want a house in America to sit completely empty because me never being here? Maybe I think that just picking a degree, getting a job, working all the time to better myself, having no real impact on the world and dying is stupid. I'm sorry, but if your only purpose in life is to survive and get all you can, what's the point? All I know is I have a passion stronger than my desire for things.
As I began growing up everyone bragged on me. "You're so smart and good at working." In time I decided I was so smart and so greedy I wanted to be a doctor and make so much money I wouldn't know what to do with it. I justified myself with "I'll be helping people" only because I wanted the money and it was my job. Jesus, finally got a hold of me and completely changed my views on everything. I don't like war. I hate it. Please don't get me wrong in this but when I talk about this people always ask, well what about our freedom? I reply, what about it? Jesus paid for it over 2000 years ago. My freedom does not come from a country and never will. I do realize people have attacked our country. I know this very well. Should those people be ignored? Not at all, BUT if paying for my freedom means that innocent people must die, whether American or from another country, I don't want it. I feel many people in America worship God because they have the freedom. It's a sad, but I believe to be true, fact. Look at countries in which freedom of religion isn't allowed. Those Christians are the strong ones. We are afraid to tell someone about Jesus because they might laugh. They die for His glory. I've heard many stories of Saints actually singing while being beaten and burned to death. How, they have that kind of relationship with God. We seldom have our Bibles, even at church. Many of them have been stripped of their land and family for owning this precious book. Look at what Jesus said in Matthew 5. Blessed are people that are persecuted for my name's sake. Why? They get the kingdom of Heaven. My heart isn't just in Africa. I want to go to China and smuggle Bibles and have church underground. I no longer hold my life of such a great importance that I won't be risky for God. There are people around this world who have never heard of God the way they need. Or maybe they can't believe because they've never experienced true love regardless of their lifestyle, location, race or sex. My heart isn't just there either. It's in the streets. I long to minister to homeless people. They need to feel love so much. Regardless of their past. Sure, many of them are addicted to drugs and alcohol, but look how desperate they are for something to satisfy them? They don't know where to turn and don't know God. We must show them. Notice I said show and not teach. Sure, teaching is very important but it's more important that we show. We are all called to this work. The very last thing Jesus left us with was the Great Commission. We are ALL called to share the Gospel. Some at home, some in the city, some in the country, some across seas and some everywhere in between. Remember, we are all called to be a disciple, but some are called to something different. I'm one of those. I have been and am being called to full-time life devoted missions. I don't know where all I will go, for how long, or anything. It may be one place for the rest of my life. It may be over 100 places. I don't know or care. I just long to go and show love. I'm not afraid of being homeless, not afraid of being jailed or beaten or even killed because of my life. I am not. In fact, if given the choice, I would choose to die a martyr. Call me crazy, whatever. I've heard it before. For those of you who support me even though it's dangerous and quite crazy, thank you. I love you so much and could not make it without your support, encourgement and mostly prayers. I know I've rambled and haven't made much since. My heart is a mess because I can't contain or control the passion anymore. It's too much for me to ignore. Please, pray for me, because this is what Fred is.
First, thank you for taking time to listen to me ramble and supporting me. I'm not saying this is the last post, but because of my circumstance I don't know how often I will be able to post anymore though I will try.
For those of you who have known me for awhile you've seen me change very much in the last few years, especially the last year and a half of my life. God has truly opened my eyes to many things unseen and changed my heart completely. So many passions. So many desires.
I love all of you guys, very much; but I don't want to be here anymore. Every single day of my life I think about Africa. Every single day. I think about the heat, the beautful people, the starving children, the people so desperate for needs to be met physically and so open the hearing about love. I know many people say people here have needs. Yes, of course they do, but my Father in heaven is calling me elsewhere. People call me crazy all the time. I've actually been told to my face my dreams are stupid." By my family even. "You need to get established and get you a place of your own." Why would I want a house in America to sit completely empty because me never being here? Maybe I think that just picking a degree, getting a job, working all the time to better myself, having no real impact on the world and dying is stupid. I'm sorry, but if your only purpose in life is to survive and get all you can, what's the point? All I know is I have a passion stronger than my desire for things.
As I began growing up everyone bragged on me. "You're so smart and good at working." In time I decided I was so smart and so greedy I wanted to be a doctor and make so much money I wouldn't know what to do with it. I justified myself with "I'll be helping people" only because I wanted the money and it was my job. Jesus, finally got a hold of me and completely changed my views on everything. I don't like war. I hate it. Please don't get me wrong in this but when I talk about this people always ask, well what about our freedom? I reply, what about it? Jesus paid for it over 2000 years ago. My freedom does not come from a country and never will. I do realize people have attacked our country. I know this very well. Should those people be ignored? Not at all, BUT if paying for my freedom means that innocent people must die, whether American or from another country, I don't want it. I feel many people in America worship God because they have the freedom. It's a sad, but I believe to be true, fact. Look at countries in which freedom of religion isn't allowed. Those Christians are the strong ones. We are afraid to tell someone about Jesus because they might laugh. They die for His glory. I've heard many stories of Saints actually singing while being beaten and burned to death. How, they have that kind of relationship with God. We seldom have our Bibles, even at church. Many of them have been stripped of their land and family for owning this precious book. Look at what Jesus said in Matthew 5. Blessed are people that are persecuted for my name's sake. Why? They get the kingdom of Heaven. My heart isn't just in Africa. I want to go to China and smuggle Bibles and have church underground. I no longer hold my life of such a great importance that I won't be risky for God. There are people around this world who have never heard of God the way they need. Or maybe they can't believe because they've never experienced true love regardless of their lifestyle, location, race or sex. My heart isn't just there either. It's in the streets. I long to minister to homeless people. They need to feel love so much. Regardless of their past. Sure, many of them are addicted to drugs and alcohol, but look how desperate they are for something to satisfy them? They don't know where to turn and don't know God. We must show them. Notice I said show and not teach. Sure, teaching is very important but it's more important that we show. We are all called to this work. The very last thing Jesus left us with was the Great Commission. We are ALL called to share the Gospel. Some at home, some in the city, some in the country, some across seas and some everywhere in between. Remember, we are all called to be a disciple, but some are called to something different. I'm one of those. I have been and am being called to full-time life devoted missions. I don't know where all I will go, for how long, or anything. It may be one place for the rest of my life. It may be over 100 places. I don't know or care. I just long to go and show love. I'm not afraid of being homeless, not afraid of being jailed or beaten or even killed because of my life. I am not. In fact, if given the choice, I would choose to die a martyr. Call me crazy, whatever. I've heard it before. For those of you who support me even though it's dangerous and quite crazy, thank you. I love you so much and could not make it without your support, encourgement and mostly prayers. I know I've rambled and haven't made much since. My heart is a mess because I can't contain or control the passion anymore. It's too much for me to ignore. Please, pray for me, because this is what Fred is.
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