Employed by the government, working for God.

   Yet again at the close of this week I had another encounter that allowed me to express how good God is.
A certain person who I work with, who has a lot more stripes than I, asked me as he always does "how are you?" I responded with my famous, "Couldn't be better" statement and waited for him to say something, because he is always intrigued. He turned around and said, "So what if I said 'Airman Watkins, you've been working so hard, why don't you take the day off?'" I said, "No sir, that will only change my circumstance, not make me better." 
   I have also been asked if I ever have bad days. When I was asked I responded with no.   I will stop the conversation there because even though the rest is good, it isn't exactly relevant in the point I want to get across. 
   How is it that getting the day off, or being told I have to work extra hard or extra time, or everything going right, or everything falling to pieces, seemly has no power in my life? First, let me clarify one thing: People usually don't ask how my day is going, they ask how I am doing. That is one thing. Now, if you ask how my day is after reading this, you'll still get an optimistic response, but I may include details about busyness or boredom. Just FYI. I'll get to the point now.
   How is it that all this is true in my life? Well, I'm glad you asked. The simple answer is Jesus Christ has lived my life, died my death, paid my debt, built my home and is perfecting me until the time is right to come home. And for me, that's plenty of substance, but for those who need how's and why's, I'll gladly give them.
   
Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ,  not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man,  knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free. Ephesians 6:5-8

1) Obey you earthly masters as Christ by living a Christ-centered life. "obey with a sincere heart as you would Christ... as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God..." If your chief concern at work is pleasing your Savior you will have no problem being happy. When given a task imagine God giving it to you and Him watching or checking your work. With Him in mind you desire to do well- your best! Some might say that seems unrealistic. Really? Consider Matthew 10:30 "But even the hairs of your head are all numbered." What could be more trivial than how many hairs you have? Yet, to God, it's important. Or even better is Psalm 139:17-18 
"How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you."

2) Work well even if your employer isn't a follower of Christ or considerate of you. "whether he is bondservant or is free." Why would Paul speak as if slaves had choice of whether or not to serve their master? Because he was speaking of the condition of their heart. So am I. Why? Why should I honor a boss who cares nothing about me or God? “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." Matthew 5:14-16. Christ uses YOUR light to bring glory to the Father! I dare not think anyone would agree that apathetic attitudes bring God much glory. I can only imagine what unbelievers think when they see a person who claims Christ lost in daily apathy. 

3) Work knowing that even if you are never recognized on earth, never rewarded or remembered, that Christ is and that your reward will be great in heaven.  “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal,  but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21.

This is the foundation I have to the solid joy of my life. It is unwavering. I know and rest in the sovereignty of God. 

I pray you will too.

I love you.

That all may know.

"I am a murderer. Wash me clean."

I do not pretend to know what it's like to lose a loved one by the hands of someone else.
I have no intention of saying I know how those people feel, because I do not. But I do know the gospel. And I do know God is good.

I am very disheartened by many words I've seen and heard in regards to this situation.
Yes, we should mourn the loss of the kids, absolutely.
But it's what has been said about the person who killed them that bothers me.

First off, lets establish this. God created humans in His likeness so to hate the image is to hate the original.
Easy. We know that this man had a heart full of evil- I don't believe I have to convince anyone of you of that. Therefore, you know that isn't my point.

But.
Let's get to it.
"You have heard that it was said to those of old,  "You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable  to judgment."    But I say to you that  everyone who is angry with his brother  will be liable  to judgment; whoever insults  his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, "You fool!" will be liable to  the hell  of fire. Matthew 5:21-22

Whoa. Did Jesus say the punishment for anger and murder are the same? Yep.
And if you read past that He also says the punishment for lust and adultery are the same too.
Is this unfair? Nope.
Why?

Because God isn't concerned with wha your vice is. Ultimately it is the same. From Adam and Eve eating fruit to politians lying to my selfishness and to this man who shot and killed children.
It is the same sin. It's an offense to God. It's choosing your will and desire over God's. It is worship of self.
For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft,  murder, adultery,    coveting, wickedness, deceit,  sensuality,  envy,  slander,  pride,  foolishness.    All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person." Mark 7:21-23

I pray that myself and all of you see our fallen position- that we realize how badly we need Christ because we ALL are evil and sinful and guilty before a perfect and holy and just and beautiful God.
You have nothing but the very thing He hates to offer to Him, yet He loves us:
 "but  God shows his love for us in that  while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

I pray for hearts full of repentance and dependency on God. And that through that, God would transform us and our love for people, especially those we see in most need of help.

Cheek.

I'm sorry, but I don't want to be an emperor. That's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible; Jew, Gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each others happiness, not by each others misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone, and the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way. Greed has poisoned men's souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical; our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost. The airplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men; cries out for universal brotherhood; for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women, and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me, I say, do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish. Soldiers! Don't give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you, enslave you; who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel! Who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men - machine men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines, you are not cattle, you are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts! You don't hate! Only the unloved hate; the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers! Don't fight for slavery! Fight for liberty! In the seventeenth chapter of St. Luke, it is written that the kingdom of God is within man, not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people, have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy, let us use that power. Let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give youth a future and old age a security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power. But they lie! They do not fulfill that promise. They never will! Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfill that promise. Let us fight to free the world! To do away with national barriers! To do away with greed, with hate and intolerance! Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness. Soldiers, in the name of democracy, let us all unite!" - Charles Chaplin

Questions to ask before marriage.

NOTICE: obviously some of the questions have much more detailed answers and when the need to answer these to the person I want to marry comes about she will hear the full answers to them. If you happen to read this, I don't know why, I would love to explain any belief I have further and give the Biblical truth by which I believe this truth (again my future wife will get this without asking) Anyway, you don't have to read this if you feel obligated. I just wanted to go through these questions because some of them I had never thought about and it's important to know where you stand.

Theology:

*What do you believe about...everything? I believe in the ONE true God. I believe in the trinity. I believe that Jesus is fully God. I believe the Holy Spirit is fully God. I believe that God created the earth and man perfectly to be in constant and perfect fellowship with Himself to worship and serve God. I believe that, through temptation from Satan, the woman and man both rebelled against God. They chose their own will over what God had commanded and thus became guilty before God. I believe that those two and every person to have walked the earth, and all who will, are endlessly hopeless and condemned to eternal separation apart from the blood of Jesus Christ that was shed by Christ to accept and endure the wrath of God on the behalf of all creation. I believe that if you chose to accept this Christ His righteousness will be imputed for you and you will once and for all be reconciled to God and thus stand innocent on the day of judgment. I believe that this is ONLY done as an act of faith and cannot be accomplished by any man’s work.

*Perhaps read through the Desiring God Affirmation of Faith to see where each other is on various biblical doctrines.

*Discover how you form your views. What is the reasoning-believing process? How do you handle the Bible? I answered most of this in the first question, but to address the Bible more specifically, I believe that the Bible is the absolute Word of God and should be treated as such. I believe we should read and memorize, study and apply, share and teach.

Worship and Devotion:

*How important is corporate worship? Other participation in church life? Corporate worship is not an option, but a commandment. I believe that service, in the capacity you have been given, is also a commandment.

*How important is it to be part of a small accountability/support group? Necessary. I will not join a church that doesn’t have small groups because they and the confession and accountability that come from them are a commandment and needed to experience growth and to stay on the path of pursing righteousness.

*What is the importance of music in life and worship? Music in general and in worship is important. I do not believe it is required for worship, but I do believe it is an outlet in which we CAN worship. Romans 12:1 tells us that our lives themselves are worship and sacrifice, therefore anything we do that isn’t sin can and should be worship.

*What are your daily personal devotional practices? Prayer, reading, meditation, memorization. I like to start and end my day with reading and prayer. I believe that study should be a part of your daily schedule- not just reading.

*What would our family devotions look like? Who leads out in this? Family devotions would be our whole family. We would all participate and it would happen everyday. We can sing and we WILL read and pray. We will not avoid certain stories in the Bible. We will teach in the capacity our kids are old enough to understand. We will encourage them to read on their own as we do. We would ask tough questions and answer them as well. I, being the man, would be the leader, but certainly not the only speaker, in this.

*Are we doing this now in an appropriate way: praying together about our lives and future, reading the Bible together?

Husband and Wife:

*What is the meaning of headship and submission in the Bible and in our marriage? I believe this puts me in not only a place of great leadership but also great responsibility. I am held accountable for my family and their lives. I believe it is up to me to lead the family in the direction that God wants us to take. I believe that the woman is to be submissive and the husband to serve and honor his wife. Notice that I said the husband should serve his wife. The leadership role of a husband doesn’t make him a dictator. Like a good boss who is willing and will complete the task he asks or expects of his helpers, a husband should joyfully serve his wife and the wife her husband.

*What are expectations about situations where one of you might be alone with someone of the opposite sex? This should be avoided at all costs. It has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with being responsible and avoiding giving sin an occasion, which is biblical.

*How are tasks shared in the home: cleaning, cooking, washing dishes, yard work, car upkeep, repairs, shopping for food, and household stuff? Mutual. Obviously there will be tasks each of us prefer doing and likely do more often, that is okay. Yard work, repairs, and hard labor are reserved for the male (unless my wife enjoys those things in which case she is free to do or help in). I would like, when possible to do most chores, especially grocery shopping together.

*What are the expectations for togetherness? I believe we should be together. I don’t like the idea of being separate for long periods of time (I realize being in the military might cause problems from time to time). I believe that we should do things we enjoy, together. I believe we should encourage and build one another up. I believe the purpose of our relationship is the same as person’s –to worship and glorify God.

*What is an ideal non-special evening? There is no such thing. There are only nights that are extra special.

*How do you understand who and how often sex is initiated? This one is tricky. I don’t really know how to answer it. I believe it should ALWAYS be mutual, obviously. And there are no rules on how often. That is one of the beautiful things about marriage.

*Who does the checkbook—or are there two? There are not two checkbooks, in the sense that we have accounts that are just ours. Two people become one in marriage. Mine is yours. Yours is mine. I believe finances should be discussed and more importantly prayed over and in the event of a decision, because I am the leader, final say comes to me, but that doesn’t give the right to abuse that power to get my way, ever.

Children:

*If and when, should we have children? Why? TONS. Lord willing.

*How many? Oh…. TONS.

*How far apart? I don’t have a set standard, but it should be far enough apart as to not overwhelm us.

*Would we consider adoption? MANDATORY.

*What are the standards of behavior? Our children shall act like children of God. Obviously they will not be perfect, but they will respect all people, especially adults. The will not throw fits to get their way because that behavior will not be tolerated nor will we give in and teach them mentally that throwing a fit is a way to get what you want. We will be involved in their personal lives. We will monitor them closely. We will set standards and keep the ones we set before them (minus ones that we are free from because of marriage. Yes I’m talking about SEX).

*What are the appropriate ways to discipline them? How many strikes before they’re...whatever? Physical, within reason. I say three strikes is plenty. I also believe that taking away privileges is a wonderful means at getting kids attention. I believe that punishment should be agreed upon by mother and father.

*What are the expectations of time spent with them and when they go to bed? I believe we should always be intentional with the time spent with our kids. Phones will be off limits during times of eating and nightly devotionals. I believe bed time is directly tied to their age.

*What signs of affection will you show them? This too is crucial. I believe kisses are always in order. I vow to kiss my children goodnight and before I or they leave everyday. I believe we should tell them we love them, regardless of age. I believe we should do things that show we care and love them and understand them.

*What about school? Home school? Christian school? Public school? I was public school my entire life. I am not huge on home school. I would be more than willing to pay for a Christian school provided they teach the true doctrine, the leaders live it out, they were not allowed to be rambunctious (starts at home first) and we could afford it.

Lifestyle:

*Own a home or not? Why? I believe in buying simply because renting is spending money without truly earning something and I do not see it as spending God’s money the best.

*What kind of neighborhood? Why? Safe.

*How many cars? New? Used? As many as needed at the time. Never brand new, unless the deal is unbeatable; nothing overly fancy or more than we need, but my wife’s car WILL be reliable and sound.

*View of money in general. How much to the church? All of the money is God’s. Tithe 10% and give as God directs more.

*How do you make money decisions? Prayer.

*Where will you buy clothes: Department store? Thrift store? In between? Why? Both. All will be in good condition though. Never soiled or filled with holes.

Entertainment:

*How much money should we spend on entertainment? I dare never to say that entertainment should never happen, but it should be within reason and never excessive. As I said, it’s God’s money and I don’t want to be the one to waste it all foolishly on my own fancies.

*How often should we eat out? Where? Seldom. I prefer cooking together. But when the occasion rises, where she likes. Never Mcdonald’s.

*What kind of vacations are appropriate and helpful for us? Ones we CAN afford. Ones that give us an opportunity to relax and get away from the normal routine, but an opportunity to serve and worship God should not be excluded.

*How many toys? Snowmobile, boat, cabin? Eh. Haven’t I talked about my view of money enough? These things, though they aren’t evil, seem unnecessary-at least to own. I am not opposed to renting or sharing them.

*Should we have a television? Where? What is fitting to watch? How much? I am okay with one tv. In the den or living room. Only things that do not oppose our Christian faith. But still very minimal.

*What are the criteria for movies and theater? What will our guidelines be for the kids? If we won’t let our kids watch it we shouldn’t ( if the reason is for moral causes).

Conflict:

*What makes you angry? Lying.

*How do you handle your frustration or anger? I usually run.

*Who should bring up an issue that is bothersome? Both or whomever is bothered.

*What if we disagree both about what should be done, and whether it is serious? We shall mule over it until the situation is resolved. No issues will ever be ignored or swept under the rug.

*Will we go to bed angry at each other? Never. Because we will pray together before bed every night.

*What is our view of getting help from friends or counselors? Small groups? Accountability? Of course!

Work:

*Who is the main breadwinner? Husband.

*Should the wife work outside the home? Before kids? With kids at home? After kids? If she wants/ we need for all three. I am completely okay with her staying at home.

*What are your views of daycare for children? The same as school. Christian in affiliation and action, reasonable.

*What determines where you will locate? Job? Whose job? Church? Family? God. Church. Uncle sam, for some time.

Friends:

*Is it good to do things with friends but without spouse? It can be, but only friends of the same gender and only if it is morally sound. If people of the opposite gender are involved the spouse should be there.

*What will you do if one of you really likes to hang out with so and so and the other doesn’t? We will come to an agreement based on the criteria above, or cut the time with that person.

Health and Sickness:

*Do you have, or have you had any, sicknesses or physical problems that could affect our relationship? (Allergies, cancer, eating disorders, venereal disease, etc.) NOPE.

*Do you believe in divine healing and how would prayer relate to medical attention? Yes. God is trusted first and foremost with  the matters of life, but medicine is a gift. Though I do not believe in taking medicines every day under normal circumstances.

*How do you think about exercise and healthy eating? The body is a temple. It should be kept clean and healthy.

*Do you have any habits that adversely affect health? Nope.

Prodigal God.

I wonder if anyone will read this post simply on the grounds of being a Tim Keller fan. Hmm.

Anyway. So. Luke 15. Very famous chapter. Even if you can't recall without looking, you know the parables involved. Which, at least in my case, can sometimes be bad. I've found that sometimes it's easy to skim over stuff we've heard and read numerous times; but after doing a two week sermon series and studying this chapter in my personal time, God has proven, once again, that He is much more than my current understanding.

Let's take a look, shall we?

The first three verses, though easily overlooked, are crucial in this chapter. They give you the entire context of what Christ is saying.

Now the tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to hear him. And the Pharisees and the scribes grumbled, saying, “This man receives sinners and eats with them.”  So he told them this parable:

Two groups of people. Sinners and religious.

Both are lost. Both need Christ.

I, for length's sake, am going to paraphrase the parables. Please. Take the time to read them entirely.

The first parable there is a shepherd with 100 sheep. One of them runs off and because the shepherd loves and cares for the sheep he goes and finds him. Then, he brings him back and calls a celebration because of the one.

The second a woman who has ten coins loses one. Because she cares for the coin she searches high and low until the coin is found. When she finds it, she too calls for a celebration.

But then there is this third parable. It's different. This young son of a wealthy master comes to his father and asks for his share of the inheritance due to him upon his father's death. This request, needless to say, is dishonoring, but the father, in His sovereignty, grants his son this request (Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance? Romans 2:4). The son thinks he is giving up nothing and gaining his prize. He is very wrong (And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things Romans 1:23).

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Then he converts his stuff into money and hits the road. Leaving behind his family and all he has known to go and waste everything he has on whoredom and wild living. Some time after he ran out of money and friends. He went and became a slave to a man working and feeding pigs. He was starving, poor and bound. He gave up son-ship for a few weeks of "fun" to end in slavery and poverty.

After realizing his crucial mistake he decides to go back to his father and offer himself as a slave and a worker. Humbled, he returns. He hopes his father will accept him back to work for his keep and food. His mistakes were not good, but he has recognized his failures and repented.

While heading home he rehearses his speech for his father. Nerves raging.

The moment he is close enough to be seen for dad's property dad raises his robe and sprints toward the road. If you know anything about this culture you know it's incredibly dishonorable for a wealthy man to do this, but not only did he love his son and allow him to leave him embarrassed his has rejected doing what is thought normal and ran for his son. When they meet the son begins his speech and dad won't have any of it. He rejoices and kisses his son. His love hadn't missed a beat. He tells the workers to bring His robe-dad's robe and put it on the boy; as well as sandals and a ring to signify his complete restoration in the family. The father's grace is incomparable with the son's rebellion, no matter how great (Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool Isaiah 1:8).

Like the previous parables, the father throws a party. A special party. He has them cook up the fattened calf. Big deal.

Once the day's work has been done the older son comes to the house and hears music and dancing. He asks what is going on and finds out his brother has returned and that dad has welcomed him with love and restoration. The older brother is angry. He can't understand how his dad could be so foolish as to let this son back in the family. After all, it would mean him having another inheritance, and this time it would cut into the older brother's as well. He is so mad he refuses to join. The father comes and pleads with his son. He explains that they must celebrate! Dad's son and his brother isn't dead as they thought, but alive and home. The brother declares, 'That's not fair (And the Pharisees and scribes murmured, saying, This man receiveth sinners, and eateth with them Luke 15:2)! I've been here this entire time-my whole life and I've never disobeyed your command (obviously he is completely blinded by his self-righteousness). And this son who wasted everything on whatever his fancy comes back and you give him the best calf, robe and shoes!' 

His problem is his heart. He is trusting in his efforts and works to give him right standing with his father. A checklist (And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends Luke 15:29).

The younger son left to become a slave and the older brother went nowhere to be one. He had disconnected himself from his father and made himself a slave.

Do you see it? 

The younger brother is the sinners and tax collectors.

The older brother is the Pharisees and scribes.

Both are lost. Both need Jesus.

But only one of them approached correctly. The younger son came humble and accepted what was offered. The older tried to earn it. He doesn't see that his best attempt at righteousness is garbage (But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away Isaiah 64:6).

We, as sinners (For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God Romans 3:23) (For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord Romans 6:23), are hopeless on our own.

The Bible teaches that are all sinners and God is holy. Then it tells us our best works of righteousness are filthy rags before holy God.

So what do we do?

Wrong.

If you find yourself asking that question then you should scroll back up and read this and chapter 15 of Luke again, because you didn't get it.

You do nothing. Because nothing you do can work. Ask the older brother. 

Christ has done it.

For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him. 2 Corinthians 5:21

Christ did it all. All you have to do is humbly come to Him and offer yourself. I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. Romans 12:1

Once you do, Christ will exalt you and adopt you as a son. And give you life.

Amen. Amen.

I love you.

Descending Into Hell.

"I'm rigged to Fire, and I'm set to blow.
 I cannot live in this state, break down the doors smash every window, to help the orphans escape.

What would Jesus do? I think illuminate.

You know what's unbiblical? That's Jesus sitting in some blackened room.
These people live so violated and we're concerned with church agendas. Oh My God.
Pure religion says I fight this war.
The hidden millions own back yard, exploited masses. 
These kids are all alone- waiting for someone.
I tell you what's biblical the master came to set the captive free and we should be like him, 

We will worship and pray, then instigate their release!
I can't see Jesus in this; Pollutes my trust, it fills my heart with hate. I hear their muffled screams, these children terrified - God what is right,
I can't stand by and...I refuse to stand by in this house of fear, 
Its innocent kids who pay the real price, in the House of Fear.

Take back every 'throw away life' from the house of Fear. 
Cant live for myself as innocence dies, in the House of Fear! 

Holy God, Where are you in the dark and hidden place?

How can I sleep when children live as slaves?

These are your people Oh God. I'll pray and I'll move, Father say the Word! 

'Cause this is unspeakable, slithering darkness but I'll bring the light.
And by the morning they'll all be gone, given the chance to lead a different life.

Descending into Hell 
'cause these kids are for sale, We walk into Hell.
For those locked in a cell, we walk into Hell.
Some can't speak for themselves, we walk into Hell; Even Jesus himself has walked into Hell."

SAP.

I have no idea where to start, what to say or how to express what I wish.
I can't find words with enough emotion or meaning to fulfill the message I wish to convey.
I love you.
All of you.
My time home, though it hasn't gone exactly as I had planned (I didn't really want it to) has been perfect. In part, I would say it hasn't been long enough, but I know that is has. Regardless of what I may say in this post of the rest of this day or week, I know God has this under control. I've been resolved in Him all along. There is no way I would have thought to do what I've accomplished since January 3rd. I wish I could capture all that has happened since that day and show it to y'all. It hasn't all been good, but God has been.

The changes in me have been incredibly evident since returning. Nobody has said anything to me, so I don't know if they noticed, but I have. I know that I've changed drastically, and for the better. I hope to continue to grow and mature during this next season in life.

I just want to express my gratitude to all of you. I don't care if you've been in my life since September 28, 1990, since age three, since fifth grade, since high school, or for three weeks you've had an impact in my life. Especially those who've gone out of their way to encourage me. I know that I thank you all, but it isn't enough. I could never thank you enough for pouring into my life. Being away isn't always easy. Fellowship can be lacking from time to time, so your care and love are precious.

I am praying for all of you right now. I hope that you know you're loved and appreciated. I won't forget any of you. I hope you won't either. I may not be able to talk to you everyday, but I will try. Remember though, you don't have to wait on me, sometimes I need to be contacted.

I hope each and all of you stay in my life.
I promise to visit.
And I promise to be the best host if you come visit me.

and no matter how long I'm gone, or how far I may travel, one day we will all be reunited forever in the presence of God and able to fully enjoy Him without ceasing.

don't be sad.
i love you.