Church steps

Where to even begin this blog.
It's very difficult to find words.
I guess I should just open my heart
and let the truth come out, but this
is no easy story to tell.

My little sister, Loralei, is in San Antonio
right now with her youth group. They
went to be a part of the Beautiful Feet
ministry for a few days. An amazing
ministry I must say because their heart
for those in need is so beautiful.

Anyway, I was texting her earlier to
check in and see how things were going
because I knew that the experience she
was blessed with would be changing her
life in ways that she wasn't ready for.
She told a few positive things but then,
she dropped a bombshell on me.
She told me that as they were waiting
on their food she had been starting out
of the window and across the street she saw
a man sleeping on the steps of a church.
Here's where I begin to lose people.

This mental image was too much for me.
It literally sent me to tears to think about
such a terrible thing to see. Now, don't get
me wrong, being homeless is bad in itself.
Especially when we consider that so many
that are homeless are NOT that way
because of drug addictions or gambling
like we often assume all are. Of course,
some are for those very reasons, but they
still need to see love like the rest of us.
Anyway, that's another story for another day.

The problem I really have with this picture is that it's allowed

How can we ignore such a sight? I'm not
saying that each of us have the means to
bring someone in and feed and clothe them,
even though some of us could, but I know
each of us could help. Even if we just stop and
have a cup of coffee with them and let them know
that you really care about them. But also, many of us
could help them. Some even know ways to become
employeed and I'm sure many would love ANY job.
Please, don't go off assuming things like most do.
I'm speaking to myself more than anyone.
That's why this is my blog.
But I do want to challenge you.
Next time you see anyone in need or even
just feel led to help someone regardless of
their background or situation,
STOP.
Take time to listen to their stories.
Listen to their heart.
Cry with them.
Pray with them.
Show them the love that Jesus has given each of us.
Because I know that when we finally decided we wanted to accept Jesus
He didn't look to see how poor we were, how dirty we were, inside or out,
what sin we were stuck in, or whether or not we "deserved" to be loved.
He just loved.
So please,
LOVE.

Confession

I apologize in advance for the length.

The title of this blog pretty much fits perfectly for what I'm about to do, but before I begin I would like to ask you, not force, but ask you to pray before going any further. The content of this blog is very personal and I would hope no judgement comes from it, but regardless I must do what is needed. I already know what doing this is going to do for me, but my hope is that in reading this you may understand the importance of confession and may be set free of whatever it is holding you back. Even if it's just guilt.

In this post I want to be as honest and transparent as possible so that you can KNOW that struggle does happen and freedom is possible.

Sadly, I was introduced to porn at a very young age. I don't know exactly what my age was or even remember the first time. Reasons why will become more apparent as I go on. At the age I was introduced I was not saved. I knew about Jesus because of being forced to go to church when I didn't want to, but I had not actually MET Jesus. So, when this force of evil entered my life there was nothing I had to slow it down. I hadn't been prepared or even warned. It just came and slowly grew.
Over the next few years the addiction became worse. Until, at least in my eyes, it was unstoppable.
I began to love this addiction so much that I didn't really care how bad it was. It had been made so appealing and I had become so bad even the things most consider "innocent" which really aren't sent my mind into a terrible frenzy.
A few years later, at the age of 16 I met Jesus and was freed from my addiction, but I never confessed openly to anyone and never shared the problem, therefore was never discipled and sure enough, the world found a way to slowly creep back in. Once it was hooked in the slowly worked ended. It became a monster faster than any train. It began to take over my thoughts throughout the day until I felt I had no means of escape again.
Once the negative attitude came in things got much worse. Without me fighting back my addiction was free to take hold of whatever it wanted, however it wanted. I could go on and on about this but I won't because it's very repetitive, which makes it even more sad.

I became hallow inside. Basically emotionless.
My lust had created a wall between God and I which made it so hard for me to hear or see Him.
It caused me to doubt. Everything. My salvation included.
I cannot count the number of times I "left this addiction at the alter" at camps, retreats, revivals, lock-ins, and Bible studies.
I began to believe I would never be free. I had settled for the fact that I would always struggle with this addcition. It was just a part of life.

I tell you all of this, not to discourage you and make you think it's impossible but to show you what needs to happen to get over, not only THIS addiction, but ANY you or someone you know, might have.
It's called confession.
Now, do not think I'm telling you not to confess to Jesus,because He is the one you need to talk to first. No doubt, especially since He already knows.
But, we aren't called to stop there.
It's not that Jesus can't completely heal us Himself, because we all know He can.
The reason we need to confess our sins to one another is because it creates community and that's what God has designed us to be apart of.
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16

In no way am I saying that everyone needs to create a blog or post all of their sins on facebook for everyone to see. But I AM saying that you need to have or find some people you truly trust and do so with them. Because I assure you, if you have or find the right people, they won't judge you. They will love you and encourage you as much as needed. You may even find out they do/did suffer with the same thing.

I hope with everything in me that this doesn't change how you look at me. I can tell you that I'm doing better now. But I felt so guilty that I needed to confess and I know the temptation with still come around. So please, pray for me. I know I need it.

Also, if you don't have someone you feel you can talk to and trust, I would be GLAD to become that person for you. Obviously, I'm in no position to judge. :)

I leave you with this:
Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that IT might leave me. And He has said to me, My Grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; fo when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Read with caution

Yesterday, the 22nd day of May, was a special day for me. My best friend Mallorie was graduating from Mooreville so of course I had to travel to tupelo to support her. Also, the school that caused some conflict because of canceling prom over a girl wanting to bring her girlfriend to prom, was graduating as well. I had found in recent weeks that people from Westboro church were coming to protest with their signs and such. Because of the things God has worked in me recently, and because I would already be in tupelo, I wanted to go, but not for the same reason as most people. I knew some people were only coming because they didn't like the people of westboro telling them they can't be gay. But I know many people who claim the name of Jesus who wanted to go as well. To argue. Please, from this point on read carefully. I'm not judging anyone in this story, just telling what happened. Anyway, I did not want to go to fight or argue or curse either side. I wanted to go to show love. Perfect, blameless love that is given regardless of people's backgrounds, beliefs, circumstances and choices. I know that, by going to that graduation and mocking the people from westboro would not accomplish anything. It would not change their hearts or minds and it would only breed anger. So I set out just to show love. To everyone, regardless of whether or not they agreed with me. So when we showed up, which I can admit now, I was not ready for something this big. Definitely should have prepared with much more prayer time. Anyway, we show up and began walking towards the people and the closer I got the more uneasy I felt. I began to hear the things being said, yelled and sung. I started seeing the actions of those around and my heart began to break. In less than two minutes I had seen enough evil to completely break my spirit and cause me to tremble and cry like a small child among the crowd. And if you're reading this, you're probably going to assume the same thing almost everyone did when I told them. "Oh I'm so sorry those people from Westboro upset you." but if that's your thinking then you're wrong. I did not hear a single word the people on the other side said. I didn't even see a sign until I left and had to pass them. The people who broke my heart were the very people on the same side of the road as me. The ones claiming the name of Jesus. They sang songs such as Jesus Loves Me in a sarcastic manner showing that Jesus loved them because they are a Christian and not the people of Westboro. There was a man waving a huge american flag. Tons of military people, whom which received the greatest support from the people on our side. Now this is where I don't want you to get me wrong. I am in no way hating on our country or the people in our military. The reason this was heart-breaking to me was because the 'Christians' were all boasting and proclaiming our country and our military and NOT Jesus. There was not on a speck of love to be seen even though there were plenty of signs with the words. Walking into this felt like a war zone and not a place of love.

I'm not aruging whether the people of westboro are right or wrong. We all know what the Bible says. My point is there was NO ONE there showing love. All they wanted to do was scorn, mock and hate the people across the street.

If this is how we represent the LOVE of GOD, no wonder so many people refuse to accept Jesus.

He can see you

So I definitely don't mean for the title of this blog to sound anything like a creeper. I kinda realized how it sounded after I put it, BUT it's fitting so I don't care. No offense, but that's why it's my blog. :)

So a few weeks ago I had this HUGE revelation that has COMPLETELY blown my mind and changed my life it two major aspects: Joy and conviction. Both of which are essential to living a Christian life.

Anyway, God has really shown, and continued to show me, this thing that has radically messed me up and I thought sharing would be nice. :)

So here it goes:

I know if you're a Christian you probably 'know' what I'm about to say. I 'knew' it too. But sometimes we know things but don't actually have a life-changing encounter with them so I wanna talk about it in hopes that it will help you, maybe.

Think about this fact: that God, Almight Father, Creator of the ENTIRE universe, Holder of all our dreams, and the earth not only CAN but CHOOSES to DWELL with YOU! I don't mean that He sits on a throne up in Heaven and watches you. I mean God, THE GOD, walks around with you! When you're sitting at your house and decide to drive to the store really quick to get a bag of chips He cares so much about you that He follows you on this, what we might see as, unimportant trip. He rides in the car, walks down the street, sits in your house, and watches you while you sleep. When we are praying we often think, at least I do, that our prayers have to travel a great distance, go through space and all that jazz then get to God. This will leave you with doubt as to if He even got your prayer. But this isn't TRUE! When you're down on your knees before God He is literally right BEFORE you! Ahh! What a refreshing and encouraging thought to think that God, in the mist of His busy schedule, He does run the universe, cares so much about you that He would still choose to hang out with you. :) mmmhh. good stuff.

But with this knowledge has come great conviction and I'm sure most of you know where I'm going with this. Because He is always around, He sees us at our worse. When we go where we shouldn't, listen to what we shouldn't, do what we shouldn't, say what we shouldn't, whatever, He goes, He hears and He sees. This thought breaks my heart to think that I, in my selfishness, but God through such evil and darkness.

But I want you to listen to me:

Do not let this message bring you down into sadness because of how much you mess up, conviction, absolutely. Without that we might as well not be Christians. But I want you to remember the beginning of this blog.
That God is ALWAYS with you!
That means despite your screw ups, you failures, your scars, He still loves you and still cares about you.
Always.
Always.
He died on a cross just so you would always have the proof.

I love you! I really do!

Let's Be Smart

Obviously, when talking about being smart there are certain things that need to be done. One of the most crucial is making wise decsions.

Proverbs 3:1-10 talks about being wise and choosing our paths carefully. And of course we all know verses 5 and 6 say to trust in the Lord and lean not on our own understanding.

So think about it, who are you following? Are you serious about it?
Lots of times we either aren't following the will of God or we claim we are but aren't serious in it.
Jesus doesn't ask for a kinda-sorta commitment. This is the same guy who told people to leave their boats, jobs, family essentially, their lives to follow Him.

God doesn't want contributers to His work. He wants fully devoted servants. :)

Do you trust God with everything, or just the things you don't want to deal with?
Your life or just small things?
Your wants or everything?

God doesn't want us to see our entire future. He wants us to trust and follow Him day in and day out. Sometimes God doesn't answer us the way we want and we assume there is no answer at all. Just because God said no or to wait doesn't mean He ignored us.

You must trust Him everyday with every situation or you might as well not trust Him at all. Exercise that faith by allowing God to prove to you He has the best in mind for you!

I mean lets think about the decisions made in your life.

How many times when YOU made the decision has something, or everything, gone wrong?
How many times has God been wrong?

Do NOT lean on your own understanding.
We have earthly minds that cannot comprehend the greatness of plans that are made in preparation for eternity!

Following God will make your paths straight. Don't confuse me, I didn't say easy, I just said straight. Christianity isn't easy, but it's not complicated.

If God isn't first in your life, then what's stopping Him?

What would happen if we completely and totally committed our entire life to Christ? All our strength, all our thoughts, our struggles, our pains, our wants, our addictions, our past, present and future.

Maybe we should give it a try? :)

Honestly...

Honestly, I did not create this blog for others. I am not and will not write for anyone's praise. I'm writing because I like to write. It's my best way of expressing things and also, it's the way God is able to speak to me the best. Funny how he uses your own words to get your attention. Despite the fact that I'm not writing for anyone else, I do not mind people reading them. Being open about your problems and struggles helps one stay humble, and boy do I need that. So feel free to read. Just don't judge. I say that for your benefit, not mine. If something I say hits you in the stomach or makes you uneasy, it may just be God speaking to you so please, don't read these and then message me telling me how terrible I am or judging me, because I can tell you now I'm a far cry from perfect, but I'm trying. Anyway, enough of the boring. Next post will be time to get to business.

If you're reading this, I love you! Not because you're reading, but because you're you. :)
More importantly, God loves you.