Confession

I apologize in advance for the length.

The title of this blog pretty much fits perfectly for what I'm about to do, but before I begin I would like to ask you, not force, but ask you to pray before going any further. The content of this blog is very personal and I would hope no judgement comes from it, but regardless I must do what is needed. I already know what doing this is going to do for me, but my hope is that in reading this you may understand the importance of confession and may be set free of whatever it is holding you back. Even if it's just guilt.

In this post I want to be as honest and transparent as possible so that you can KNOW that struggle does happen and freedom is possible.

Sadly, I was introduced to porn at a very young age. I don't know exactly what my age was or even remember the first time. Reasons why will become more apparent as I go on. At the age I was introduced I was not saved. I knew about Jesus because of being forced to go to church when I didn't want to, but I had not actually MET Jesus. So, when this force of evil entered my life there was nothing I had to slow it down. I hadn't been prepared or even warned. It just came and slowly grew.
Over the next few years the addiction became worse. Until, at least in my eyes, it was unstoppable.
I began to love this addiction so much that I didn't really care how bad it was. It had been made so appealing and I had become so bad even the things most consider "innocent" which really aren't sent my mind into a terrible frenzy.
A few years later, at the age of 16 I met Jesus and was freed from my addiction, but I never confessed openly to anyone and never shared the problem, therefore was never discipled and sure enough, the world found a way to slowly creep back in. Once it was hooked in the slowly worked ended. It became a monster faster than any train. It began to take over my thoughts throughout the day until I felt I had no means of escape again.
Once the negative attitude came in things got much worse. Without me fighting back my addiction was free to take hold of whatever it wanted, however it wanted. I could go on and on about this but I won't because it's very repetitive, which makes it even more sad.

I became hallow inside. Basically emotionless.
My lust had created a wall between God and I which made it so hard for me to hear or see Him.
It caused me to doubt. Everything. My salvation included.
I cannot count the number of times I "left this addiction at the alter" at camps, retreats, revivals, lock-ins, and Bible studies.
I began to believe I would never be free. I had settled for the fact that I would always struggle with this addcition. It was just a part of life.

I tell you all of this, not to discourage you and make you think it's impossible but to show you what needs to happen to get over, not only THIS addiction, but ANY you or someone you know, might have.
It's called confession.
Now, do not think I'm telling you not to confess to Jesus,because He is the one you need to talk to first. No doubt, especially since He already knows.
But, we aren't called to stop there.
It's not that Jesus can't completely heal us Himself, because we all know He can.
The reason we need to confess our sins to one another is because it creates community and that's what God has designed us to be apart of.
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16

In no way am I saying that everyone needs to create a blog or post all of their sins on facebook for everyone to see. But I AM saying that you need to have or find some people you truly trust and do so with them. Because I assure you, if you have or find the right people, they won't judge you. They will love you and encourage you as much as needed. You may even find out they do/did suffer with the same thing.

I hope with everything in me that this doesn't change how you look at me. I can tell you that I'm doing better now. But I felt so guilty that I needed to confess and I know the temptation with still come around. So please, pray for me. I know I need it.

Also, if you don't have someone you feel you can talk to and trust, I would be GLAD to become that person for you. Obviously, I'm in no position to judge. :)

I leave you with this:
Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that IT might leave me. And He has said to me, My Grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; fo when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10