Confession.

Before I get into this I need to clarify something.
I do not regret my decisions in life. God has guided me here, this is know.
There.
Now, how to begin....


Life, hasn't been the easiest as of late.
I'm new at being alone.
Very new. And the transition has brought lots of challenges.
I don't have truly good influences here that I'm actually in close and regular contact with.
Don't get this twisted, the things that will follow are my fault, they cannot be blamed on anyone but me.


I can't go more than thirty minutes without hearing a cuss word or something related to sex.
It has poisoned my mind. I actually cussed twice today. The words didn't even register until after I said them.
Lust and coveting have also been haunting my mind.
Sin has been planted all around me, and I was lax in defending my heart.
And when I did realize what I was hearing was wrong I suddenly became perfect and holy, looking down on people in my mind.
I've been angry with the few who claim Christ because of their failings, disregarding all of mine.


This has been my last month or two.


I don't like it.
I don't like being angry.
I don't like how my mind has been thinking.
I don't like being starved of community.
I don't like being absent of accountability.
I don't like sinning.
I don't like disappointing God.
I don't like disappointing those who look up to me.
I don't like disappointing myself.


Today, for the first time in a long time I can see my failings clearer.
I know how messed up I am.
I know how badly I need other people.
I realize my circumstances mean I need new people, not to lose or forget the others, but because I need people who can physically be near me from time to time.


I vow to abhor evil.
I vow to pursue righteousness.
I vow to waste my life on other people's joy in Christ.
I vow to give. Give abundantly of my efforts and time.
I vow to uphold the standard Christ has set by His strength.
I vow to pray for you.
I vow to stop being angry and self-righteous.
I vow to love you, to encourage you and exhort you, when needed.
I vow no matter how empty I feel to keep pouring myself out, trusting that God will fill me when I need.


Here's to a new day.


I love you.
I can't wait to see you.
Romans 8:1-2.